Sleep Hygiene – it’s not about washing your sheets

We’ve probably all heard the term "hand hygiene" – the sanitation police are all over hospitals and doctors offices plastering posters about how important it is to wash our hands. 

But what’s “sleep hygiene?”

You'll often see this term when reading sleep guidebooks and research. Dictionary.com defines the word hygiene as “a condition or practice conducive to the preservation of good health, as cleanliness.”  So, sleep hygiene refers to the practice of sleep habits that lead to optimal health, not how often you wash your sheets (although I’m sure there’s a minimum on that too).

So what constitutes good sleep hygiene for our kids?  According to the American National Sleep Foundation (NSF), the “key features” include:

• having a consistent bedtime routine
• a bedtime before 9 p.m. (*more on that in a minute)
• falling asleep independently
• no TV (or other screen devices) in the bedroom
• no caffeinated beverages
• enough total sleep
• not taking too long to fall asleep
• no night wakings

A 2004 study by the NSF found that the two biggest factors in poor sleep hygiene for children of any age (newborn to 10) were:

• having a parent present when the child falls asleep, as this resulted in more night wakings, and
• a late bedtime – this resulted in children having a harder time falling asleep.

Wait – shouldn’t putting them to bed later make them more tired and help them fall asleep faster?!  That’s not logical!

Therein lies the problem. These little people aren’t logical. Just try explaining to a toddler that saving the last cookie means she gets to enjoy one tomorrow. Sleep begets sleep. That goes for all of us but it’s really obvious in babies and young children.

*It's important to note that "bedtime before 9 p.m." is a very general recommendation for children of all ages.  9 p.m. is simply way to late for a baby, toddler or preschooler.  These young ones should be tucked in with lights out by 7:30 at the latest in order to get an age-appropriate amount of sleep. It's also been found that the hours of sleep before midnight are more valuable than those after - so it's not enough to go to bed late and sleep in later to make up for it.

Back to the NSF study: for the 3-years-and-older age group, not having a consistent bedtime routine resulted in less total sleep time. That’s why tens of thousands of families have had remarkable success (and often claim happier children) after a sleep-training program with their baby, toddler or preschooler.  That melting down, crying-out-in-the-night child is craving routine and an ease of sleep.

Like anything that’s good for us, it takes an adjustment period to get there. Take, for example, getting fit.  Those first workouts, laps or runs don’t feel good. You can even get injured if you don’t start properly.

If your child has a prop like a soother or will only breastfeed to sleep, or needs you lying beside them in order to fall asleep, there is a gradual way to help them adjust. All you really need to give your child good sleep hygiene is a proven, effective plan and consistency on your part in carrying it out. Having a sleep coach guide and support you through the process virtually guarantees quick success.

We teach our kids how to wash their hands because it’s good for them. We can also teach them to sleep well – it is immeasurably good for them, not to mention the rest of the household.

How Hot is Too Hot?

The best room temperature for your baby's sleep is between 18 and 21 degrees celsius.

How hot is too hot for your baby's bedroom? Here's the short answer: anything above 21 degrees celsius.  Babies are most comfortable sleeping between 18 and 21 degrees.  The rule of thumb to keep them warm is to dress them in one more layer than you feel you need to sleep comfortably. 

But what to do in the summer with no air conditioning?

Therein lies the need for the long answer.

One thing is certain: it is safer for baby to be too cold than too hot. Babies will wake and cry if they're a bit chilly, and you can solve the problem then. But they won't likely do the same if they're too hot. And while I don't like to spark fear, especially when the summertime heat is beyond our control, overheating is a risk factor for SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome). 

If you're one of those parents whose home is just stifling and you can't seem to cool baby's room, here are some ideas and tips to help keep your baby safe and comfortable:

• Dress baby as lightly as possible (see rule of thumb in the first paragraph). Sometimes this could mean nothing but a diaper or just a light, sleeveless sleep sack.

• Keep a fan running on high in the room in the hours before bedtime. Turn it to low, direct it away from your baby and keep it far from his reach before you put baby down.

• Remove any waterproof mattress coverings while the weather is hot as it doesn't breathe as well.

• Invest in good window coverings for baby's room and keep them closed all day with the windows open to prevent the sun from heating the room more.

• If your baby falls asleep in the stroller, keep a close eye as she can easily get too warm in there. And don't cover the stroller with a blanket - this can trap more heat inside.

• If your baby falls asleep in her carseat, keep the car running and air conditioning on. I know, I know, more greenhouse gasses, more climate change and more hot temperatures. But you have a pretty good reason; all those other idlers should get with the program. (And car seats are for cars - don't let baby sleep in the car seat at home.)

• Here's a great idea from Babycenter UK's web site: hang wet towels over chairs and window frames (never over baby's crib railings!) as the evaporating water can cool the air.

• Give your baby a cool bath before bed.

If you think your baby may be too hot, feel his belly; if it feels overly warm or he's sweaty, remove a layer; it's worth waking him for.  Remember that it's normal for your baby's hands and feet to be cooler than the rest of his body, so don't check there.

While we move through the lazy (or busy!) months of summer, don't forget to keep yourself and your baby well hydrated. For babies under 6 months, breastfeeding to meet demand should be sufficient; just be sure she's having a normal number of wet diapers. If your baby is a little older, offer water from a sippy cup more often than usual. 

Giving your baby a cool bath before bedtime can help keep him cool for sleep in warm temperatures.

What’s holding you back?

Sometimes the universe sends us messages. For example, we think about how we really should call that friend we haven’t been in touch with, and an hour later, out of nowhere, we see them driving down the street.  (The message there being, yes, definitely call them.)

If you’re anything like me, you’re a little slow at picking up on these messages and sometimes you pretend you didn’t hear.  It’s an evolved habit to pay attention and listen, and it often takes a big leap to follow where the message seems to be guiding you. But when the same thing keeps popping up over and over from different angles, even my ears perk up.

For me lately the message has been “what’s holding you back?” Whether from a business webinar or a chat with an old friend, the same question keeps coming up. A wonderfully wise American Buddhist teacher I know – Lama Marut – calls this “holding on to our burning coal.”  We want to change or live differently, but we’re not willing to let go of the burning coal in our own hands.  We clutch on to our current ideas and our existing self concepts, despite wanting change.

Change is hard.  Which brings me to the point where I need to make this relevant to babies’ sleep.  :) When your baby has always gone to sleep with a “prop” – on your chest, in a swing, at the breast, on a bottle, with a soother, etc. etc., the day that that has to change (and of course it has to change) will probably be hard for your baby.  There are some gradual ways to warm up to it, to make it less sudden and stressful, but there will still be a big shift one day. 

And human beings don’t like change, by nature. If you don’t believe this, you probably don’t have a two-year-old yet (just try giving them a different spoon at dinner time, I dare you).

The shift is also big for parents, especially mothers.  If baby has a sleep prop, chances are Mom is either somewhat involved or is the outright human pacifier.

There are all sides to the argument of whether sleep training is a dream come true or downright awful (especially online!), and that can make it tough for some parents to make the decision.  Plus, the ones who really need it are sleep deprived, so double-whammy in the decision-making department.

So when you haven’t slept more than a few hours in a row for months (or years!) on end, and you so desperately want sleep, maybe this is a helpful question to ask: what is holding me back? This is always a tough question for us to answer about ourselves.

I’ll start.  My issue isn’t around sleep, but more general lifestyle. What’s holding me back from living the way I want to live?  The answer (I think) is my own negative self talk around the time excuse: “I don’t have time. I’m a working mother of two young children; I can’t.” 

So yesterday I threw dinner into the pressure cooker and went out for a bike ride and we ate a little later than usual. As my mother likes to say, “Your kids are never going to thank you for staying home.” This is in relation to travel, but in this case, they’re not going to thank me for being out of shape and bluesy about it. 

In another example of us banging our parenting heads against the wall for way too long, my husband and I finally read up on how to tackle the incessant mealtime struggle with our three-year-old.  We ordered a book, read the expert advice, started an entirely new approach to eating and suffered through the two-week change phase.

We are now blown away on a daily basis by our child happily coming to the table and eating things she never would have before. It’s shocking.  Kind of like high-fiving your spouse for an entire year after sleep coaching because you still can’t believe your child just accepts the new norm and happily, easily falls asleep in their little bed every night and for every nap.

Time can be a big excuse.  So can money.  We have to first value ourselves to make change.  And we have to be happy ourselves in order to help others be happy.

Anything is possible. We usually just have to listen up, trust and get ourselves out of the way.